Welcome to Clifford Foreman and Evelyn Foreman Personal Website

All work and no play makes us
grumpy heads!

SENSE OF HUMOR? Just a bit of humor to brighten your day!! :-) Cliff found this article in the Onion (we transposed the names)...but isn't this hilarious!?

Nation Sickened By Sight Of Maui's Own "Velcro Couple"
September 27, 2006 | Issue 42•39

Maui Island, HI—Though sharply divided on the war on terror and domestic controversies such as abortion, drugs, and gay marriage, Americans are in almost unanimous agreement over one issue: that Maui, HI couple Cliff Foreman and Evelyn Lo are totally sickening.

The happiest *bleepin* couple in the whole world. "It's like they think they're the first couple to ever fall in love in the history of space and time," said Honolulu resident Allison Clark, one of millions of people who say they want to shoot themselves in the face after observing the tender relationship between Foreman, 37, and Lo, 33 (next month), evolve over the last eleven months.

According to a Maui News poll released Monday, a significant majority of Americans believe the couple's persistent displays of affection, which include almost constant hand-holding, mutual giggling, and insufferably coy little kisses, were "freakin' ridiculous!!!" An overwhelming eight out of 10 polled said they wished the couple would die, preferably in a fiery automobile accident."If I have to see [Foreman] fiddle with [Lo's] fingers as they stroll around window shopping, without a care in the world, I swear to God I'm going to punch something," said San Francisco, CA resident Sam Weber, whose reaction has been echoed by a broad cross-section of Americans apparently weary of the couple's brazen public displays. "These two need to face reality, and stop living in this disgusting fantasy world of theirs."

Though their initial November 11, joint outing went largely unnoticed, public opinion toward the couple dramatically shifted after it was revealed that Lo spooned frozen yogurt into Foreman's mouth during their second date three days later.

By the second week of December, their approval rating dropped below 40 percent in most national polls, after Foreman and Lo were spotted wedging their hands into each other's back pockets as they walked through Kihei neighborhood. By July, the rating plummeted even further after Lo asked Foreman which of her physical attributes he found cutest, and Foreman responded with a detailed list.

"Who are they kidding?" said Rebecca Hillard, a single mother of two in Anchorage, AK. "Once this little honeymoon is over, he's going to cheat on her with an ex-girlfriend and she'll come running to the American people to pick up the pieces. It's so obvious it's stupid."

According to a Sept. 25 Zogby poll, 36 percent of Americans grimaced when Foreman playfully nudged Lo for no evident reason last Thursday, and 45 percent emitted a loud, annoyed sigh after Foreman sent flowers to Lo's workplace last Tuesday. One in three Americans characterized the way Foreman touched the small of Lo's back as he led her into the backseat of an awaiting taxi on the evening of Sept. 19 as "completely unnecessary."

"The girl knows how to get into a cab without help," said Adam Burkheimer, a Shreveport, LA resident and recent divorcé. "I don't get all the constant pawing."

On Wednesday, support lines across the country were flooded with calls complaining of moderate or intense nausea after Lo refused, and then eventually accepted, Foreman's hooded sweatshirt during an evening walk.

Online anti-canoodling blogs, such as the popular davejuliebarf.typepad.com, are buzzing with rumors that Foreman and Lo broke into a brief, spontaneous slow dance on a Maui beach on Sept. 20.

"Apparently the pussywhipped douchebag smiles when he sees her name on caller ID, too," blogger Jessie Fox said. "If they love each other so goddamn much, why don't they just get married and live happily ever fucking after?" Which, by the way, they plan to do November 11 of this year.

In recent weeks, elected officials in Nevada, South Dakota, and Virginia passed largely symbolic "Get A Room" ordinances designed to encourage Foreman and Lo to make their affectionate displays more private. Conversely, Ococee, FL banned Foreman and Lo from getting a room within its city limits.

While Foreman and Lo's behavior does not qualify as a nuisance under any current statutes, the Chicago and San Francisco city councils unanimously passed a joint proclamation encouraging the pair to tone it down.

Read the proclamation in part: "Whereas Cliff and Evelyn are embarking on their first serious relationship, and whereas the odds of it lasting are slim to none, and whereas their ability to make seamless conversation, to instinctively know what the other is thinking, and to relate the story of how the two met when they were randomly at a “fire dance” has made nearly 300 million people want to gag, therefore, our cities hereby strongly urge Cliff and Evelyn to really consider breaking up immediately."

Unavailable for comment, Foreman and Lo are reportedly making plans to go backpacking across Europe during their honeymoon in January, prompting fears that their demonstrativeness could escalate international tensions.